Matt Sparks

A truly revitalizing experience.


Matt Sparks was born in the ghettos of Central Iowa, yet somehow managed to overcome this unfortunate upbringing to pursue lofty career goals.  Talent scouts discovered this young star while wrestling gators for cash in the Florida Everglades.  Recognizing his raw talent they immediately landed him a job as a stunt double for the television series Charlie's Angels.  All good things must come to an end, however, and the show was eventually cancelled.  The hungry and oversexed Sparks, lured by promise of more fame and riches, found work as a telemarketing hog wholesaler for a short while, until he finally found his true calling.  One day, while perusing a reputable men's magazine (for the articles, of course), he stumbled upon the want-ad that would change his life forever:  the Oscar Mayer Wiener-Mobile driver.  To this day, fans can catch glimpses of Matt Sparks wienering on down the interstate highway system somewhere out west, giving out free hot dogs and schmoozing the occasional farmer's daughter.

Interestingly, Sparks has a penchant for writing profound grafitti on highway rest-stop walls.  Thousands of Sparksian scholars have devoted considerable portions of their lives toward collecting many of these enticing tidbits.  An entire volume will soon be published by Howe, Dazi, Dewit, and Wye Publishers, Inc. titled:  Can't Start a Fire Without a Sparks: a Meta-critical Approach to Bathroom Grafitti and the Subsequent Downfall of Capitalism.  Some critics say the rest-room grafitti theory upon which this book is based is the most enlightened discovery since relativity, while others say it's just plain shitty.  Nonetheless, the following samples, attributed to Sparks, are a sneak preview of this forthcoming volume.

Sample #351: Creative Writing Folder

Sample #9225: The Kitsch Document

For more creative work by the oft studied, yet rarely understood, Sparks, check out his extesive website, a scholarly adventure into the realm of the legendary explorer
Daniel Boone.

The URL is:

Hopefully, as more information is gathered concerning Matt Sparks, this website will be updated to include some pictures of his family and the attack plans for his rumored takeover of the world.  If anybody is interested in landing a small continent of their own under his regime, the media-shy Sparks can be contacted at

Although he is often difficult to reach, you stand a much better chance of getting a reply if you make it known that you are a needy and well-paying employer, a rich and beautiful sugar-momma, or his long-lost puppy "Banjo."

May the Force be with you.

(Just in case any hard-core computer geeks with cult tendencies think that I'm serious about the ruling the world thing, I'm not.  I feel the need to say this so I don't end up on any more top secret government lists than I probably already am.  Oh, who am I kidding, we're all on some suspicious list somehwere, why not go gor the gusto and get them all.)