1) Thoughtful Ideas (pre-writing level):Jackie's complicated Harwit:
When I first glanced at this Benson’s View cartoon, I was delighted to see that I was not alone in my disappointment at the decision that Mr. Michael Heyman has recently made regarding the exhibit. The self-centered veterans may have won the battle for their desired exhibit, however all of the opinions and ideas they forced upon the Smithsonian with disregard for their country’s future will ultimately cost them the war as the much-deserved public humiliation ensues. The only worry they have regarding their past actions is the victorious outcome of their decisions. They show no regret for the extent of destruction they have caused to countless innocents. Despite the fact that the veterans got what they had coming to them, I do not foresee the cartoon aiding the controversy in any way. They will simply dig in their heels out of spite and become even more set in their views.
2) Organizing Content (at the whole essay level):
Jeff's tight topic sentences:
The cartoon that appeared in the Boston Globe earlier this month takes what I believe to be a simplistic and uneducated view of the Smithsonian's decision to cancel the exhibit.
First of all, the very title of the cartoon gives its viewers a completely wrong impression about our goals.
The cartoon further misleads the readers of your newspaper by saying that our goal in canceling the exhibit was to “[return to] our original mission.”
Finally, regarding the accusation that we are merely showing “air and space,” depending on the circumstances often times a picture or display is just as effective, if not more so, than an entire lecture.
3) Clear Support (at the paragraph level):
Ryan F's punishing paragraph:
There were at least a half dozen historical controversies that the historians manipulated to discredit the decision to drop the first atomic bombs on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. One of these centered on the charge of racism. The historians claim that the United States would never drop the atomic bomb on Germany. The Germans are white Anglo-Saxon and very much like the citizens of America. The revisionist historians claim we would not hesitate in using the bomb against Orientals. Originally, the intent was to use this weapon against Germany. However, the Germans surrendered in May of 1945 two months before the first successful test of an atomic weapon in July 1945 (near the time of the Potsdam Proclamation). The fact that the bomb was not ready for two full months after the Germans surrendered did not keep the historians from using the claim of racism against the United States. This abuse of historical facts caused a bi-partisan effort of Senators and Congressmen to denounce the Smithsonian exhibit. The Washington Post and the Washington Times, two respected newspapers from opposite ends of the political spectrum, both wrote negative editorials about this handling of history. If there was any narrow-minded thinking in this controversy, it was on the part of the historians. I [Tibbets] fully understand that there still is racism in America. It was not part of the decision to drop both atomic bombs.
4) Polishing (at the sentence and word level):
Mel's words that zing:
This callous implication is one utterly contrary to the truth.
Your cartoon illustrates a ridiculously portrayed Enola Gay smiling as a frazzled Smithsonian employee paints on the finishing touches.
One of our primary goals at the Smithsonian is to ignite in the young and old alike a passion for knowledge and a desire for further education.
In the future, Mr.Auth, I [Heyman] would suggest that you fully consider the impact that your cheap attempt at humor has on the targets of your vitriol.