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Providing Clear and Specific Directions

Almost every parent struggles with getting their children to follow directions. In many cases, parents feel like they have to tell their children over and over again to do what they ask, and many times the child still doesn’t do it! Parents often complain that their children just do not listen. One way to increase your child’s compliance is to provide clear and specific directions. The following is a list of suggestions to help increase your child’s compliance:
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1.
Be specific. Let your child know exactly what it is that you want him or her to do. Often children seem to be disobedient, but they may not understand what it is you want them to do. By being specific you avoid confusion. Instead of saying something like “Do the right thing!”, tell them what the right thing is (“Clean up the mess you made.”).

2.
Be brief. Brief commands are easier for the child to understand. For example, instead of “Brian could make your bed because it is such a mess and we are having company over later and I have told you six times to clean make it and you never listen…” try “Brian, please make your bed”. Unlike the first command, the second is short, to the point, and does not put the child on the defensive.

3.
Give one command at a time. Children are more likely to comply when they are given one direction at a time rather than having many requests fired at them at once. For example, a command
such as “David, please make your bed, take the dog for a walk, take out the trash…” includes too many tasks. Your child may have forgotten the first thing you asked by the time to get to the last, or they may have stopped listening all together. Instead give one request at a time, allow your child to complete it, and provide praise before making another request.

4.
State commands as directions rather than questions. Often parents will make a request in the form of a question rather than a statement (Johnny, would you like to set the table?). While this is a considerate way of asking your child to do something, using question commands may give your child the idea that he or she has the option to decline. For example a command such as “Could you please take out the trash?” gives your child the opportunity to say no. Instead say “Cindy, please take out the trash”.

5.
Tell your child what you want him to do, not what you don’t want him to do. Parents often let children know exactly what it is that they are not allowed or supposed to do (“Don’t make a mess, Don’t hit your sister, Stop screaming!”) but don’t always let kids know what they should do (“Please clean up when you are finished, Play nicely with your sister, Use your inside voice”.)
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